Why I Didn’t Skip Dinner

In the latest episode of What The Actual Fork podcast, Sammy and Jenna talk about how their definition of “strong” has changed since leaving diet culture behind and embracing the food freedom journey. That got me thinking about a time recently when my definition of strong changed completely.

I’ve had a lot of changes in my life as I prepare to move to a new country and when my life gets crazy I look for things to control. In the past, that was my body, exercise routine, and diet. 

The other day I was packing and weighing my suitcases using the only tool I had at my disposal - a body weight scale. I realized the weight of what I was about to do because I hadn’t weighed myself in 2 years in an effort to heal my relationship with my body. So I took some really deep, centering breaths and reminded myself that the number I’ll see doesn’t matter at all. It says nothing about my character, my heart, my worth, or my health. Then I stepped on the scale and my weight in kilograms popped up. I stepped off, grabbed my suitcase, and stepped back on to take the difference and determine if I needed to repack. And I was ok… until, against my better judgment, I converted the number from kilograms to pounds. With no conversion to hide behind, I saw the number on my phone calculator. I felt my heart start racing, my fingers started tingling, and I felt like I was going into panic mode. I stood there looking at the number, the dinner I’d just ordered at my feet. I was hungry waiting for the meal to arrive but once I saw that number I felt numb. 

I wasn’t ok. And a previous version of me thought that being strong meant I would crawl into myself and deal with all the emotions flying through my body all by myself. But who I am now knows better. I now have a life that is richer and relationships that are unmatched, all found once I accepted myself and released the mind hogging desire to change my body. I decided that all that was too much to lose over something as trivial as wanting my body to be smaller, that I was stronger than diet cultures pull to a “perfect” body. 

So I texted a friend who understood me. I took deep breaths. I sat down and started eating the Indian food I ordered. I ate until I was comfortably full and then I sat with those feelings and processed what had just happened.

I think we are all challenged in our food freedom journey, that’s inevitable. But along the way we become stronger than diet cultures hold on us and we begin to heal. The path to body peace is not without its rocks. Sometimes we’ll step over them and sometimes we’ll trip. What matters is that you steady yourself and keep moving forward, leaning on the people who love you to help you find your strength along the way. 

You deserve a rich life full of love and opportunity. You deserve a life where you strive to do more than exercise and eat at little as possible. You are worthy of love, acceptance, and respect no matter your body size. 

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Written by Chelsea Shafer, RD

Hey, I'm Chelsea!

I’m a Registered Dietitian, 200-hr certified yoga instructor, and cat mom! As HSH Office Manager I love all things intuitive eating + movement and I’m glad you’re here! Learn more about me and the HSH offerings here.