My Pregnancy Journey Part 1.

I want to start this out by saying this is MY personal experience. I am NOT an expert in pregnancy or in pregnancy nutrition and not making any recommendations for you within this piece. The first trimester was really scary for me because I felt like I knew NOTHING. And as a dietitian I didn’t even know what cheese I was “supposed to avoid.” So I hope that sets the stage for you.

ANYWAYS, as someone who lost their period for many years due to, “being an athlete,” which made it “ok” per many physicians at the time, someone who was diagnosed in the height of her orthorexia with PCOS because I was no longer ovulating amongst many other issues - I never thought I could get pregnant.

As an aside, when I addressed my relationshp with food and fitness, worked on my mental health (started therapy) and started to properly take care of myself, not only did I “reverse my diagnosis of PCOS” per the doctor, I also started getting a regular period. For the first time in my life, in my late late 20s.

So when I was late in March, I was sure I was pregnant. Only to get my period a few days later and realize it was just stress. Well, May rolled around, and it just never came. I had been such a freaking monster the weeks leading up to it though that my husband and even my dog I think knew before I did LOL. I also would be on the phone with my mom on a walk with Quincy (the pup) and be so short of breath my watch actually would ask me if I wanted to record my workout - this is the absolute truth. That shortness of breath for me was

W I L D.

I was about 6-7 weeks when I found out. So happy, SO emotional and then this intense fear took over.

I realized - I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT PREGNANCY.

And there is so much to know.

I feel blessed to say that the beginning was not extremely awful for me, I never threw up but instead of morning sickness I had the all day nausea, the heightened smell, the ABSOLUTE aversion to all proteins and the insane fatigue. I remember one day where I watched the entire Sweet Magnolias TV show on Netflix in bed with a lot of snacks. Like weird ones, trader joes puffs mixed with peanuts kind of snacks. And it was the best day ever.

oh wait it was puffs, apple rings and granola. Maybe peanuts were in the other bowl.

I still worked out but then the fear of, “omg is this ok for the baby” took over and no fitness was enjoyable. I told my friend and trainer, Lia, like right away because I didnt want her to think I was just doing my own workout in her sessions but I didnt know at all what was safe or even allowed. Fast forward at that point in pregnancy I think she probably thought I was nuts LOL but, I would do a move on my back and think, ‘wait I feel like I have read this and shouldn’t do this.’ Or there were core moves involved and I would just walk off the zoom camera so no one asked why I wasnt doing the class properly, LOL thanks for keeping my secret Lia.

In the beginning, when NO ONE knows except your partner (and for me my brother and parents) it is a really weird feeling. The miscarriage rates in the beginning are really high, and the anxiety doesn’t make that better, so I tried to be as “normal” as I could be and started reading blogs to “educate” myself. PLEASE DONT DO THIS, unless the blog comes highly recommended - I will not share the names of ones I read because all they did were spark fear LOL.

I then found + DM’d @docbrittfit frantically one day, mind you I was a stranger to her LOL, but she had just released a fitness guide for pre-natal women and I needed to ask her some of these questions. She was so helpful. She was one of the first people to know! And assured me that not eating any protein for a few days or weeks was also ok LOL *THANKS BRITTANY!!! - our podcast with her will be out soon and I have been doing her pre-natal fitness sessions for months now! She’s amazing Mamas!!

Weeks 7-9 were really rough.

If you listened to the DrunkDietitians episode, you already know I lost my shit over spilled soup and cried about it. The poor uber eats driver, mind you it was June and like 80 degrees outside and I was bawling over matzoh ball soup that spilled everywhere. Im pretty sure that night I ended up eating this instead.

still very into the pb nugget pretzels fyi.

I wasn’t sleeping much because my dreams became SO intense. And I was truly only eating crackers, pretzels and cheese sticks. Like for days on end. Bread, english muffins, pizza, mac and cheese, any carb and dairy combo worked for me. I was sneaking protein powder into everything just so I would get SOME in me.

Some days eggs were ok, others I couldnt be inside the house when Matt was cooking them. It’s all so weird. But so beautiful too.

The cravings really started though at week 9 and thank god my mom told me to write them out because they are hilarious. Here is my journal:

9 weeks 5days:

• CRAVING milk, chocolate milk, cheese

10 weeks:

• Waking up with dreams about food LOL.

• Feeling interesting feels about my body, its changing but part of me is wondering if im bloated or this is actually body changes?! Very confusing. Bringing up body image things I havent felt in a long time.

7/8:

• everything tastes like SOAP

• I love apples currently and they taste like dial soap 🧼 too.

7/13:

• dairy is my best friend. Very into cream cheese. Cannot get enough of cheese sticks. Like wow, I love them. Yogurt for breakfast, milk allways, cheese cheese cheese.

• But the gas has started and digestion is really slow so eating snacks only today and feeling so much better. Meals no longer feel good.

• I REALLY LOVE PIZZA THOUGH.

I really didnt think I was having traditional cravings, more like when I thought about something I NEEDED TO HAVE IT. I specifically remember reading @veggiesandchocolate ‘s post about her first trimester and she wrote she was living off Greek salads. I hadn’t considered a Greek salad before that moment, and at 2pm it was all I could think of for hours. For so long that at 4pm I ordered dinner (photo evidence) and 5pm was eating it. Matt was very confused but also loved this craving.

With COVID being so unknown my doctor has encouraged me to avoid all outdoor fitness classes, gatherings, restaurants etc. so I started to feel so badly about saying no to peoplel for all of these things because they had no idea why LOL. It is this weird space where you want to shout it from the roof tops but also have this crazy fear that so many things can happen.

I literally woke up one morning around week 9-10 and my boobs felt fine. Like normal. And they had previously been INSANELY painful - I remember pressing them a million times being like ‘did that hurt’ - and then googling “what happens when boob pain goes away first trimester” - dont EVER DO THIS. But that fear takes over and you still feel like you have no idea whats really happening in there. And are trying to act “normal” - normal for me is showing up to fitness classes and showing my face on social media - but I couldn’t, I couldn’t do any of it. I felt SO AWFUL.

If I avoided you these past few months and you are reading this - now you know why and I love you LOL!

Body Image.

Anyways, I am almost 17 weeks now and still not really “showing” - my body is certainly changing but I have by no means popped. So weeks 11-15 specifically I started having these really intense flashbacks to my body dysmporphia days. Feelings of being very bloated, feeling very off, and for me personally, again this is my experience, I felt very full of fluids - but no one knew I was pregnant. So I really didn’t leave my house much at all. Hiding out at the beach was a true blessing, but the emotions were very real. It was this wild duality of thoughts that I am so freaking grateful for this, this is something I have ALWAYS wanted and never thought could be real mixed with, this FEAR about my body and this fear about how I felt about it and this fear of holding myself together for my clients - WHEN I HADNT EATEN A VEGETABLE IN WEEKS LOL. Don’t worry I like veggies again but there was a strong period of time I did not.

I reached out to my cousin who had recently given birth and she talked me off my ledge. Reminded me of the beauty and the normalcy of what I was feeling. That my body was in fact filling with fluid, and it was expanding because my baby was healthy and growing! Like these are things I NEEDED to hear and didn’t know were happening!

I then talked to my other cousin who had also recently given birth and she reminded me that it was normal to have these PTSD type feelings of my disordered days and to stay focused on the beauty of what was happening.

If you have been pregnant or are currently and you feel this way. I understand. I feel you and I hope you know it is ok to feel this way. I try to look at my body a lot now. And just honor it. Thank it. Talk to it. Really experience what it is going through. I mean this is pretty freaking incredible stuff, headaches, hormones and all.

Current Feels.

I would also highly recommend not googling anything.

On Monday (this week) I cried in my car for many hours while I googled skin care that I thought was safe to use in pregnancy and some insane site told me all of it was wrong. I texted my college friends for answers and the angels that they are reminded me that stress was worse than any sunscreen I could purchase and to calm the fuck down.

Later that night our new Doula, who is an angel on earth told me the same thing. And also reminded me that the fact that I even care about this stuff already shows my maternal instincts. That made me feel so happy.

I make sure to fill the HSH team in as their “daily dose of birth control” every day when I experience something new, like the other day when my pelvis (I assume) started expanding and I found an article calling it “lightening crotch” - Nikki, Lauren, D and Liz heard all about it. Love yous. Just looking out for ya! That was a new feel for sure.

New things I am experiencing right now include my first baby, Quincy, becoming extremely territorial of me - like if another dog comes near me this little 30# animal thinks it’s a bear - that should be really fun when the baby comes. How do I fix this, dog people chime in! He also started humping my pregnancy pillow last night, that was something he hasnt done since he had a fluffy bed and we had to take them away from him LOL. I really liked that pillow though so I need to figure this one out.

I finally have my energy back. Working out and moving FEELS good now, my eating still is 90% carbs and cheese sticks but it makes me feel really good. I am walking and doing more yoga than I ever have before, I am loving the peloton meditations, 5 minutes is all I need to just BREATHE and slow down. I am reminding myself everyday that slow is important. I can’t do it all because I am doing something every minute of everyday now that is the most important job ever. No one is “good” at being pregnant and no one knows what the F they are doing either - but the best thing I can do is try to enjoy the ride. So that is just what I am going to do.

Also, this post wouldn’t be fair or complete without shouting out the man who has been the greatest rock of life. He’s taking the crazy like a champ and reminds me everyday that I am “working really hard” even when I am doing nothing. Grateful for you MTW.

I promise to share all the things you need or want to hear. More podcast topics are coming and suggestions are welcomed.

XOXOXO

Love you.

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Written by Jenna Werner

Hey there, I’m Jenna! I'm a Registered Dietitian, online nutrition coach and serious food lover. I'm ready to help you quit dieting forever and fall in love with the way food makes you feel.

Learn more about me and the HSH offerings here.