The 4th Trimester.

So I wrote out my text for my recent podcast all about the 4th trimester. I didn’t want to stutter on my words in my sleep deprived state. This is totally unedited, just a free flow but if you prefer to read vs. listen there are some good gems in here all about the 4th trimester - the highs and the lows and the true realities of what those 12 weeks are like.

I also started to compile some of my post partum musts in an amazon list and will keep adding for you!

XOXO.

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Three days postpartum in my diaper, broken blood vessel on my arm from my IV and an ice pack in my diaper. REALITY of post partum looks so different than on social media.

Let’s just make one thing very clear and set the tone here. 

I had no idea what the 4th fucking trimester was before getting pregnant or even during pregnancy. And for someone who felt like pregnancy was kind of fun - I really did - the 4th trimester kicked my ass. 

NOW this is not a pod where I will be giving advice, zero medical advice. This is more about my experience and things I wish I knew vs. not. I also was of the desire while pregnant to not know these things, do I think that helped me? Im not sure, but I also really really believe that FTM’s while pregnant should enjoy their 3rd tris to the fullest and not worry about  these things in advance so honestly if that is you maybe save this pod for later. 

Literally though please dont hesitate to hit the save for when you need this if you are pregnant lol, looking back, I only had my nursery prepared. I had no idea that I would need to have 4 boxes of power pads (the realllllll thick period ones) at home and extra ice packs and things, but an organized diaper caddy ??? YA GIRL HAD THAT !!! This is nesting, I kicked ass at nesting. 

Ok all that said - again, every single human’s birth experience is different. I think what I have learned most is that every woman will feel a lot of the same things but experience them in different ways. 

These are MY feelings and experiences they are unique but my purpose in sharing what I will share today is to maybe normalize some of the feelings that I know many of you have or may feel and help someone feel less alone. 

SO that said. 

Here we go. I also may record this in chunks because life with a newborn is wild and so unpredictable. And my type A ass has such a hard time with that but whatever. 

So it has been officially like 13 weeks since I have slept 8 hours straight LOL - I know thats coming but I have a small baby that needs a nighttime feed still AND I had what is called prodromal labor for 4 full days prior to Noah’s arrival. What that means, because this is something id int know about either - is essentially I was at home laboring on and off for 4 days.

You know how people say like “you will know when you have a real contraction” I didnt understand that either until I had one. Then people say things like “you can do anything for one minute” and you want to kill them at first but honestly that is the only thing that got me through. The prodromal labor typically only happens at night, of course. So Noah was born on a Sunday and on Thursday night the contractions started. I slept 4 mins. At 7am they went away. Repeat that friday and saturday and on sunday morning I was such a disaster (after calling the doc and him telling me to take Benadryl and it not working so I was like Benadryl high and contracting all night saturday) that we called the doc again and they said come in. 

I SHIT YOU NOT I had contractions the whole hour drive to the hospital only for them to stop when I got there. So long story short they wouldn’t admit me because I was no longer in labor. So at that point im telling you I looked at my husband and said I AM NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY BABY. Fast forward a few hours and Noah was here :) leaving out some details to spare you - no labor is flawless, mine certainly was not but Noah is healthy and that is what matters. 

And for those of you who have followed along this whole time, you know my husband was positive this baby was a girl so when this little boy popped out and there was a pause when the doc asked him to tell me what he was, it was the comic relief we all needed in those moments LOL.

Anyways, I need you to know before he came into my life I had never changed a diaper. I was sleeping 10 hours every night while pregnant and believe myself to be a pretty selfish type-a human. My life changed very fast. 

And before we get into the postpartum, I literally need you to know I remember very little about that first month. And I believe that is my body’s way of protecting me so I will have another child one day god willing LOL - all I remember is that first night. Taking turns staring at the bassinet. The kid was SILENT in the hospital at night and we get home and it was like he was gremlin dinosaur instead of a baby. The loudest noises out of the tiniest body. My husband and I were terrified only to find out those are just “new born noises” WTF.

ANYWAYS. what I was really not prepared for was the healing. Physically and mentally. 

As a dietitian in my practice we believe in the 5 pillars of health.

• *Nutrition

• *Sleep

• *Stress Management

• *Movement

• *Hydration

sleepy baby. tired mama.

I tell people often that if you cant do all of them, pick 3 and focus on them. 

Post delivery, I could do one. Just hydrate. And that was it, for weeks. (And I hydrated hard because you have never felt thrist like this before) Even with support and help and we are very blessed to have my parents close and I have a very supportive husband but learning to breastfeed, take care of a newborn who is terrified because he doesnt know where the fuck he is he only knows the inside of my body and wants to do everything in his power to get back in there, and oh yea I am bleeding, leaking and sweating like I have never sweat before - there is no ability to do anything else than survive. 

Food - a tip here, I kept snacks in the bathroom and in the nursery at my breastfeeding staiion,. I would eat pb packets with bars and dried fruit all day long because walking was hard, getting downstairs was hard and this baby needed me. Matt made me some dish meals but I needed to eat so much to stay awake and produce milk lol. (Also was living on Liquid IV - code HSH.RD saves you 25% and free ship!)

The other pillars were non existent for awhile and the dietitian in me was freaking out. All I kept thinking is how the hell am I supposed to take care of a baby and HEAL when I can’t successful take care of myself even a little.

Obviously that gets easier, it really really does but in those dark moments I felt like - why didnt I know about this and is it just this hard for me? And that is a dark spirally place. SO if you are a new mom in this phase please know your feelings are normal, you are not alone and please just do what you can! And that is enough. I promise. 

*Just sharing this pic because I share a lot of smiles of Noah on social but there are plenty of tears in between please know that! This was his first bath!


Anyways more things that surprised me about these first few days. 

The biggest was the night sweats. 

That first morning I woke up in a puddle of breast milk and sweat and thought I had a fever. Didnt know night sweats were a thing, but they so are. I also cannot describe to you how badly I smelled. Like I just smelled like breast milk and sweat no matter how many showers I took, which were few lets be honest.  

Oh and I love how in pregnancy you go from being this glowy magical unicorn who everyone just wants to love and take care of to postpartum where I swear to you because of the sweat I thought all my hair fell out the first day home, you have never been more exhausted and your doc appts just stop even though you had massive surgery essentially and popped a kid out of your body, a full blown human, and worry everyday about the stitches popping and omg the first poop post partum (I cried the whole time fyi and I dont care how tmi that is it is something everyone needs to know is ok if you cry leading up to it and during it it is scary as fuck but once its done you feel better!)  - but sure ill wait 6 weeks for medical care and continue to numb my undies sit on ice packs and a donut all day, and deal with cracked nips ALL GOOD DOC! 

Literally you go from feeling like a preggo goddess to a hot train wreck and by hot I mean sweaty. LOL or maybe that was just me.

MOVING ON.

I want to address mental health a little more before we move into body image and beyond. 

I need you all to know that no matter what you see on instagram from a postpartum mom. The newborn weeks are really hard. I cried to my husband and my mom everyday. I cried that I felt like I didnt have a maternal instinct, I cried bc I couldn’t get onesies on him, I cried because breastfeeding really was a huge challenge for me (side note im still using a nipple shield to help and its been working so I dont care but all I saw were posts about women weaning off them and it made me feel like shit), I cried because I was so tired I didnt know how to go on like this, I cried because my relationship with my husband was different - I cried because everything hurt, and I felt like how would I ever heal if all I do is cry LOL. And although I have never loved something or someone as much or as deeply as I love this baby, I just didnt feel like me. And that is a lot to grieve. I need you to know it is ok to grieve these things. 

And it does get better. 

Talking to new moms at all hours of the day and night helped me tremendously. Talking to any moms at all hours of the day is beyond inspirational and helpful and having a friend who just simply says - are you ok, like Sammy has done for me - is the greatest gift. 

This is the hardest job I have ever had and my brain, my brain which thrives off schedules and routines and check lists, went to some dark places especially on days I couldn’t get off the couch because of cluster feeding and pain. Days where Noah would only sleep on me and I was literally stuck. Days when quincy would act out because I wasn’t taking care of him like I once did - these days SUCKED. They still do, because they still happen sometimes and I know they always will - but expectations have shifted and like I have mentioned before, this doesnt get easier - we just get stronger. 

But, if you are feeling lonely or you have thoughts you cant shake please please please ask for help. It took me way too long to ask for the help I needed. I want to empower you not to do that. Ask for the help. LET people help you. It makes all the difference in the world. PPD and PPA are very real and even if you dont think you have it, it helps to talk to someone. Please seek out resources. 

NEXT UP BODY IMAGE + fitness.

GUYS - i loved the 6 weeks I wasn’t allowed to workout. Bet you weren’t expecting to hear that lol. It felt like the time I did have to myself during the day had no expectation. When I was cleared to exercise I wont lie to you, I had this little tinge of anxiety of how the fuck to fit it into my day. And the days I didnt workout I felt angry. This was not helpful - so I have redirected this energy but that is my old disordered ways creeping back, and I am very proud that I recognized them aka What Bri calls gremlin thoughts - my thoughts popped into you have to instead of you get to. And I am sharing this with you to let you know that on YOUR journey, no matter where you are in it sometimes these thoughts will come back and that is ok - it’s just all about how you handle them and address them - not ignore but honor and address. 

I will be honest the exercise makes me feel more like me again and makes me feel so happy and strong and makes me a better mom when I can have those endorphins flying, so when I do get to its like a dream, but it is not a routine activity yet AND THATS OK. However, this ties right into body image postpartum and so many of you asked about this. my friends I need you to know just like you are allowed to go through some time adjusting to a newborn and that new normal, you are also allowed to adjust to your body. It just birthed a human, went though TRAUMA - surgery truly and organs shifting, your uterus literally changes size (side note I remember feeling mine contract when I started breast feeding and feeling SOOO NAUSEOUS thinking I had the flu, its normal apparently but I didnt know that so keep that in mind if you are experiencing this.- also extra hydration really really helps this :) ) anyway you are healing and adjusting and you are likely wearing a diaper for many weeks and then very very large pads after that and things just are different. 

There is this wild expectation that things just snap back - I need you to know - this is diet culture. They will sell you belly bands, shakes, teas and other bull shit with an expectation of getting something “BACK” - you are vulnerable, tired and your hormones are going WILD and I really understand why some of these things may sound appealing in those moments but mamas, please know - your body birthed your baby, your brain may not see that all the time and you may not FEEL that all the time, but just like diets dont work ever - they really dont work to provide happiness post baby. I honestly cannot even imagine being calorie starved on top of trying to main Tain my milk supply on top of trying to maintain my relationship with my husband on top. Of trying to shower and take care of myself and eat and give attention to my dog and answer emails and texts and clean the house and send thank you notes and just be a decent human - like you get it. MLMS and diet vulture I beg you to leave POST PARTUM WOMEN ALONE. But I also just want to normalize for you, it is ok to feel uncomfortable and almost foreign in your body at first - give your gorgeous body that created and birthed a life time to heal and then get back to the movement and things that make you feel GOOD slow and steady. 

OK because I could go on forever, the other thing I want to quickly normalize discuss and just touch on because I got a lot of questions on it - how I am feeding my baby. 

Friends, Noah refused to gain weight for many weeks. It was almost like a cruel joke that as an anti diet RD I was obsessed with weighing my baby for weeks. This ties in deeply to the post partum depression I experienced because in those first few weeks as I was BF every 2 hours around the clock and my baby was losing weight, I felt like a failure. Like this was my one job as a mom and I was failing. And let me tell you - it is a very dark place. But I kept seeing and hearing “breast is best” — it wasn’t for us. FED is best. So I started supplementing, then Noah didnt agree with something else and we cut dairy, and some soy. And we switched the supplement and I pumped and breast fed and supplemented and slowly the little peanut started to gain…still very very slowly but we have found a rhythm. And I jut want to say without offending anyone - fuck anyone who tells you the best way to feed your baby. The only only way to feed your baby is the way that physically and mentally makes both of you happy. We supplement every night when I have my wine (LOL not overnight dont judge) and we supplement throughout the day as needed, this is what was best for us. I also mentioned using the nipple shield and this is something I didnt even know existed until recently and it has saved my breastfeeding experience. From a recommendaiton perspective all I will say, is do what you need to keep your family happy. 

And if you do BF - EAT ALL THE FOODS - please snack, please eat the lactation cookies, and stay hydrated, it is so so so important. 

Lastly, I saw my girl Callie (womenupwellness) post the other day about things to register for that will actually help post partum and it was amazing. I mean like I said, my nursery was in great shape but I had to instacart pads the day after I got home because the bleeding was insane. She mentioned things like asking for or registering for post partum care kits, meals, food, a pelvic floor pt ( didn’t use one so I dont have insight but hear they are amazing), night nanny care etc. The best thing you can do for your post partum friends is send food - feeding yourself is so hard post baby - shout out to my parents for feeding us the entire first week we were home basically LOL. 

In hindsight, I did a lot of things wrong but I dont regret any of them. I realize now  so many things and I can honestly say like I said in my pregnancy pod, you just dont know until you know. I couldn’t have ever imagined the emotions this 4th trimester would bring or imagine the heart bursting love I have for this tiny human, or the love I have for my partner watching him love our tiny human, or the pain I felt or the sadness I felt or the confusion felt. I felt all of these emotions at the same time. And I hope you hearing this makes you feel less alone in your feelings if any of these feel similar. You can be so happy and hurting at the same time but please dont go through the hurt alone. Please ask for help. Please seek help. Please allow help. The phrase strong as a mother has a whole new meaning to it for me. To all the moms out there. I see you, I support you, you inspire me and I love you. 

And to all women TTC, I see you and I am holding space for you. 

Any further questions on this topic please let us know. I would be happy to record a part two but I hope I answered much of what you were hoping to hear. 

LOVE YOU ALL XO!

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Written by Jenna Werner

Hey there, I’m Jenna! I'm a Registered Dietitian, online nutrition coach and serious food lover. I'm ready to help you quit dieting forever and fall in love with the way food makes you feel.

Learn more about me and the HSH offerings here.